(Eva Ferguson/ Huffington Post UK) — Mind-blowing. Addictive. Unforgettable. This is what I anticipated sex would feel like.
Bloody. Stabbing. Blunt. Burning. Unpredictable. Adjectives fail to emulate the entirety of how it felt.
Despite feeling utterly at ease and safe with my partner, it felt like erratic knife jabs to some internal concrete wall coupled with a tight burning sensation – and lots of blood.
I had seemingly no reason to experience this type of pain in my early twenties.
This physical pain became a regular occurrence; but the psychological toll hurt the most. Inadequacy. Guilt. Frustration. Hopelessness.
I was at a loss with what my body was attempting to communicate. With each failed touch of intimacy, I conjured up the idea that my partner was a step closer to walking away from our relationship. I felt increasingly distant from him. (…)